We have all been there, haven’t we? Losing our cool because our child pushed our patience to the limits. I don’t want to say it’s normal, but we are all human and have bad days. It happens to the best of us, and it happens to the rest of us. Welcome to Parenthood! The critical thing is damage control and repairing your relationship with your child after yelling.

First of all, let’s understand why parents yell in the first place.

What triggers your yelling?

“Yelling is about releasing anger; it’s not an effective way to change behavior”


Many of us are chronically stressed, exhausted, and are shitty at self-care. We don’t tend for ourselves and often neglect our own needs to get all the stuff done we have on our plate done. The mental load is immense, and we are spread thin. Many unmet needs make us cranky, resentful, and angry. And yelling at our kids is a way to get all that anger out.

Two others reasons for yelling are in our past.

Your parents yelled, too.

Did you have a parent yelling at you? We often take over the pattern of your parents. So if yelling happened at your family home, it’s pretty normal that you took this pattern unconsciously over.

You weren’t heard as your child.

The second reason stemming from the past for yelling is tender needs that weren’t met in childhood. So many of us weren’t heard in our childhood. Today, when your children are not listening to you, these old feelings get triggered, and all the resentment and anger are blowing up.

Rest assured, you are not doomed to yell forever at your kids. Instead, be kind to yourself, take breaks, build patience, and work on the repair.

Repairing the Relationship with your Child after Yelling

The Emotion of Guilt after yelling

Usually, the first thing you feel after yelling at your kid is guilt. Guilt is a normal emotion that comes up when we fail to meet our standards and our values. It’s an emotion made to move us to apologize, to make up for something we feel we messed up.

Practice Self-Forgiveness

This actually means that you are a good parent and person. So yes, yelling happens; but what we do afterward matters the most. We are humans; therefore, we must allow ourselves forgiveness and go easy on ourselves. 

“Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome. Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage.”


Be vulnerable and apologize.

Acknowledging one’s mistake indicates humility. A humble person will apologize to the person they have hurt, even to a little child. Sincere apologies work like magic in repairing your relationship with your child after you have yelled at them.

This mends the bond and teaches your children the importance of an apology as an essential life skill. They will learn how to engage in sincere apologies after making a mistake or hurting someone. 

Make an apology from the heart.

genuine apology is unconditional and sincere, and it works wonders. Remember, your child is the love of your life, and your apology should emulate that love. First, you must talk it through with your child and let them know that you did not want to yell and hurt their feelings and that you did not like it at all. This way, you regain their confidence and model empathy in them. Parents really are a child’s role models and their first and most important teachers. The tone of the apology really matters. Then comes the wording. There should be no ifs and buts. Avoid any exceptions and conditions to your apology. 

The effect of yelling at your kids on them and why the apology matters

To build more on the apology aspect, you must really talk with your child. Yelling makes your child feel lesser in value, and you really need to defuse that emotion in them. This is very important to repair the relationship with your child after yelling. To regain your child’s trust, have an open heart-to-heart talk with them. It will help them understand that even grown-ups like their parents make mistakes, and it is okay if they make some too. Sharing feelings with your child is one of the most innocent and beautiful things about parenthood. It is so rewarding to connect with your child on this level of trust and confidence.

Apologizing is an opportunity to be more self-aware.

The talk you have with your child post-yelling will prepare you better for the next time you are near that trigger point. You will act more intentionally rather than in a reactive way. Your response will be much different and positive the next time. Think of it as a conditioning exercise and practice of sorts. It will act as a do-over for you and your child. Both you and your child will benefit from it.

As I said before, yelling of all kinds is happening to the best of us; what you do after that matters the most. Not only that, but also the time window is also important. So do not take too much time to start making amends after you have yelled at your child. 

Listen non-judgmentally to what your child has to say

During that talk, make sure to listen to your child’s side of the story. Let them tell their perspective and let it all out. Validate their emotions. Then try to relate to your child’s feelings and tell them stories of your childhood where you felt like them and how you dealt with it. With this practice, you make them heard, and they know they matter, which is a core need, many of us haven’t experienced that way.

What to do next after you apologize to repair your relationship with your kids?

After you had a chat and cleared the situation:

  1. Do some fun activities with your children.

  2. Make them laugh.

  3. Even reenact what happened funnily and playfully so that they can process what was happening.

  4. Let them know that they mean the world to you no matter what.

Such activities help you reconnect with your child. Wrestle with them, tickle them (if they like it), and just draw those worries away.

How to stop yelling at your children?

Your children are not responsible for your yelling, just a trigger for underlying issues.

My fellow parents, we all aspire to be calm and collected parents. The first thing is to realize that our children are NOT responsible for our outbursts of rage and anger. Everyone has different triggers, and sometimes we are victims of circumstance. But in no way can we blame our children or any other person for our feelings. Their actions may be triggers for us. To tackle these triggers, and cooler heads prevail. Someone once said that parenting is an amateur sport, and you can never be perfect at it. Most people practice parenting in a panicky and urgent kind of fashion. There is always something new and unknown that you have to deal with.

Take care of your needs.

Being parents, you must take care of yourself as much as possible to be more patient with your kids. That means you must take care of your health mentally, emotionally, and physically. Try to be well-rested. Your well-being is as important as that of your child’s. Be kind to yourself.

Acknowledge that your children are their own person

Then you must acknowledge that your child is, in particular, a little person with their own personality. Children will not always conform to your wishes and will have their own whims, and that is what we want, isn’t it? A person who learns how to think for themselves. So accept that you cannot always make your children act according to your needs. 

Have realistic expectations on yourself and on your children

Again I cannot emphasize this enough; avoid power struggles with your children. They are not contending us. They rely on us. They need us. Let them be their own selves too by exposing and exploring their personalities. Do not foster unrealistic expectations and learn what you can really expect from your child at a certain age.

Explore your and your child’s personality for a better understanding

As parents, we need to explore our personalities too. What are our triggers, and why do they set us off in such a way? Are you maybe highly sensitive, or is your child? Does your child fall in the category of easily frustrated and explosive?

What is your intention as a parent?

Your relationship with your child is important. Therefore, you need to remember that you are important, too, and need to take care of yourself. Start doing exercise to reduce your daily stress level, like breathwork. Learn about more effective parenting strategies that strengthen your relationship with your child. You will most definitely feel the difference in your overall demeanor. These things not only repair but reinvigorate your relationship with your child.

To conclude, your job as a parent is to love your children unconditionally. Focus on loving them as the person they indeed are so they feel seen, heard, and understood by the person that matters most to them, you. We are all human, and it happens that we are carried away by our feelings and emotions. Show yourself self-empathy, and your children, too) and remember that repairing your relationship with your children is not that hard. You just need to be genuine and sincere when you talk to them. Let the love drive your actions and speak from the heart rather than your anger or fear or frustration.

Finally, focus on the bond and relationship with them. You are all they have got for a long time and try to make the most of it. Slip-ups will happen; just don’t shy away from making amends and showering your children with that unconditional love. 

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