You’re so committed to the well-being of those you love. You wanted to be a dedicated mom, partner, and self-loving happy woman. However, on the road of motherhood, life just looks totally different as you have envisioned it for yourself and your family. You want to be a peaceful, loving mom, but I know patience is not always easy to come by as a mom. Balancing ALL THE THINGS can be difficult, but amidst all of the efforts, there are some things to help you with some patience tips to become more patient and regulated with your kids.
Patient Mom Tip #1: Stop yelling.
Don’t join the chaos
Let’s jump right in with the elephant in the room for tips on patience: no more yelling. No matter how many kids are having tantrums, no matter how much screaming is going on, one most important tips on patience is “don’t join the chaos”. Be the one who’s keeping a clear head and become the calming & and safe harbor in your home. Keep your voice and presence calm and regulated. Of course, the exception to this is if someone is in danger.
Yeah, sure. Easier said than done? Yes. Worth it? Also yes.
Taking time to read up on peaceful & conscious parenting has changed my whole perspective, and I’m a more patient mom & woman because of it. Yelling creates a cycle of guilt for moms: we lose our cool, we yell, and then we feel bad afterward. Guilt doesn’t help anyone; neither does yelling.
Use the pause button
When you feel yourself getting upset & struggle with patience, use the pause button technique. Don’t jump right into it but try to calm yourself again. A simple way is to take a deep breath in and start to count backward from 10 to 1. Sounds silly? Test it & see the magic work.
Take a short time out
If that doesn’t work for you at the moment, walking away from the kids for a bit (if it’s safe) can help a lot.
Dance it out
Once in a while, when you get upset, and the anger is rising, I challenge you to put on a silly song and move your body and dance it out. This teaches your kids that it’s okay to get angry and have an appropriate outlet and way to control their anger.
Patient Mom Tip #2: Identify your triggers as a Parent.
Prevention is key
For me, that’s the most challenging part, but prevention is key. Knowing your triggers & your kids’ ones is the best strategy to prevent heaven from crashing over your head. If you know that going to bed late at night makes you crabbier in the morning, or you know that waking your kiddos up too late in the morning creates chaos, try to prevent these things. Are they always preventable? Of course not, but you can attempt to keep your triggers to a minimum.
Be assertive with your boundaries
Knowing your triggers can help you set boundaries and limits before you feel your blood pressure start to rise. In addition, preventing meltdowns – in your child or in yourself – makes for a better relationship for both of you.
Patient Mom Tip #3: Have realistic expectations.
Learn what is age-appropriate from experts
To be honest, many of us have expectations for our kids that are simply not age-appropriate, meaning our kids simply can’t fulfill them. Unfortunately, kids are not mini-adults, and it’s a great service to our kids to learn what we can really expect from them. Check out the Center for Parenting Education for age-appropriate behaviors.
Be aware of your buttons & resolve them
While toddlers can be (a little) off the wall, and eroding our very patience it’s age-appropriate. In fact, most of our toddler’s behavior, you know the ones that push our buttons, is age-appropriate, no matter how difficult it may be to deal with. Around age 2 or 3, most children start to start to become more independent and really testing out where the boundaries between you and them are. They learn what your buttons are, and they push them over and over and over again until you have resolved them within yourself.
How you react to these button-pushing moments determines a lot: how your child continues to behave, how they respond to getting their buttons pushed, and more.
When your child is doing something that you don’t agree with, take a moment to ask yourself if it’s safe, age-appropriate behavior or if they should be redirected.
Patient Mom Tip #4: Wait before reacting.
Much like the rest of the patience tips in this article, this one is easier said than done. However, building more self awareness and learn how to wait before respoind can help change the trajectory of your day and improve the relationship with your child.
Practice Self-Awareness to gain more patience
When you find yourself upset, think about what is causing you to feel this way. Then, take 30 seconds or so to think about why you’re upset and how you want react. Do you need to take a moment to regroup to gain your very patience? That’s okay. Let your child know you need some space.
Teaching your child boundaries with your time and space can help them understand that they can – and should – do the same. Then, when they realize they’re getting upset, they can take the time to assess the situation and decide how to react, rather than doing so out of impulse.
Patient Mom Tip #5: Hear your child.
Being heard is a core need.
This can be extremely difficult to do in a high-stress moment, but in these moments, your child needs to be heard. Take a few deep breaths if necessary, or table the conversation until later, but prioritize non judgmental listening – and actually hearing – your kiddos.
Practice non-judgmental listening
Focusing on listening to your child rather than formulating your own arguments or rebuttals can help you have more and more patience each time. First, make sure you are practicing excellent listening skills. Next, you need to do a few things to ensure your child knows you are listening to them.
Put your phone down! Anytime you are looking anywhere, but at your child, they will think you are not interested in what they have to say. The best listening skill is listening actively, which requires your undivided attention.
Repeat back to them what they stated without twisting or changing their words. This does two things: it lets them know you heard them and helps with clarity. It makes sure you understand what they were trying to convey.
Do not downplay their concerns even when it annoys you. Treat their problems with as much weight as they are and let them know it is okay to feel the way they do. Then work towards a solution.
Patient Mom Tip #6: Keep it in perspective.
In the heat of the moment, things can feel a lot bigger than they are. So one patient mom tip is when you find yourself in a situation where you’re lacking patience a tip is to take a step back and put it all in perspective. Is this really that big of a deal, or are you making a mountain out of a molehill? Is everyone safe? Unless they’re in danger of putting someone in danger, chances are, you can channel your inner peace and grab onto some extra patience.
Putting things into perspective can help you, but it can also help your children realize they can take a step back and look at the big picture to solve problems. This will help them in friendships and relationships, at school, and even later in life.
Patient Mom Tip #7: Call in the troops & get some extra help.
My favorite patience tip is, don’t do it all by yourself. If you can get help when you’re overwhelmed, do a step back strategy and call your support system in when necessary. We all need a break sometimes – yes, moms, too – so don’t feel bad for getting a reprieve. It takes a village to raise a child, and if you’re fortunate enough to have a village, utilize it.